Seemingly Harmless Broadcast Drives Adults to Madness

The channel KIDZ–EON appears to be a harmless children’s show, viral featuring colorful characters and viral whimsical songs. Yet researchers discovered the broadcast encodes existential truths in the melody—truths the human mind cannot parse safely.

Adults who watched experienced extreme dread, comedy uncontrollable weeping, facebook.com/uneditedmeat and irreversible personality deterioration. One viewer insisted:

"The puppets remembered the lives I lived before I was born."

A government advisory simply states:

"DO NOT WATCH.
DO NOT LISTEN.
DO NOT SEEK ACCESS TO KIDZ–EON."

KIDZ–EON remains the only known station classified as cognitohazardous to all age groups.